“…..and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.”
Sorry fellas, I’d love to have a beer with you, but I’ve got a big day planned tomorrow, a pretty nice little Saturday. We’re going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don’t know, I don’t know if we’ll have enough time.
Listen, I told you guys yesterday we were going to wear the orange shirts to the fair. Beige? Okay so maybe you don’t have an orange shirt, but chartreuse? No way, not when I’m governor.
“Yeah - I felt it - the sky fell and it struck me right here - so when I send out press releases about chaos, bankrupsy and the end of the world, it isn’t just to promote myself!”
Hynes: Guys, I know it is going to be a tough primary but I believe you should vote for me. I have five points. #1, I was the first person to stand up to Rod Blagojevich. #2, I am smart and I am a hard worker. #3, I lost to Barack Obama, and that gives me credibility. Guys, I was blown out of the water by Barack Obama. The numbers were bad. Really bad. #4, I read books. Lots of books. #5, I have the best personality. I have a good sense of humor. I am charming. I can command a room.
Man 1: I’m sorry, sir, I think I fell asleep after point 1.
how did I miss the burr oaks thing?
well, first I lost the primary for US senate… that burned me… then we had a couple kids, then it’s REALLY hard being a comptroller - hardest part is explaining to everyone what it is…
- Small Town Liberal - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 12:59 pm:
This is exactly how Pat Quinn types secret emails on his Blackberry, you guys don’t get to see them just like you can’t see this one.
As my friend on my right and I have learned, one way to demonstrate fiscal responsibility is to buy the loud shirts no one else wants on the clearance rack at TJ Maxx.
- Don't Worry, Be Happy - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 1:00 pm:
So first, you put all of the money in one room. Then you divide it into piles. All of the pennies in one, the nickels in another. You get the idea. Then you count the number of coins and bills in each pile. And here’s where the hard part comes in - you have to remember to multiply the number in each pile times the value. It’s really important, because 1 million pennies is only worth $10,000, while 1 million quarters is worth $250,000, so they’re not the same.
“So, Rahm’s working at Arby’s one summer in high school. And he’s slicing beef but he’s not really paying attention. And next thing you know, bam, there goes his middle finger.”
debriefing just minutes after climbing off each other’s shoulders in the final practice of dan’s human traffic light act for Illinois’ Got Talent
- We're in the Money - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 1:07 pm:
DH: “…sure it’s easy to track revenue. Why right on this little scrap of paper I have all the General Revenue cash receipts for fiscal years 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005…”
Hynes, “Let’s see, I have the Green Power Ranger, the Blue Power Ranger, I got the White Power Ranger from my Dad after winning re-election, so you can say I just about have them all.”
- What planet is he from? - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 1:17 pm:
Now you go down to the corn dog vendor and cut out, I’ll fake it to you. And you go long.
Fellas, let’s talk about 2010. On the one hand, you have Governor* Quinn, on the other hand… ok seriously, does it really matter what the other option is?
Hynes,”Well, what I had said was I’m in the math club, uh, the Latin, and the physics club… physics club. Well, in physics we… we talk about physics, properties of physics.”
So, it was either mayor of Whoville, I thought I had the looks to pull it off, or Governor of Illinois. I’ll now list each reason I chose Governor, with all the flair of a burned out accountant.
And then the fortune teller says to me “See this line? This is your political life line.”
- Professor of Finance - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 2:55 pm:
So now we know why the State’s FY2008 Annual Financial Report (CAFR) was published six months late (July 10, 2009 to be exact*). . . Danny-boy ran out of fingers!
“I tell you what I see when I look out there. I see the undeveloped resources of Minnesota, Northern Wisconsin, and Michigan. I see a syndicated development consortium exploiting over a billion and a half dollars in forest products. I see a paper mill and if the strategic metals are there, a mining operation. A greenbelt between the condos on the lake and a waste management facility focusing on the newest rage in toxic waste, medical refuse. Infected bandages, body parts, IV tubing, contaminated glassware, entrails, syringes, fluids, blood, low grade radioactive waste all safely contained sunken in the lake and sealed for centuries. Now I ask you what do you see?”
Oswego Willy @1:35pm, you could have gone one better on his “nerdy” image (with apologies to Weird Al): “I was in AV club and glee club and even the chess team! Only question I ever thought was hard was do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?”
DAN HYNES: “Rich Miller won’t give me the proper amount of respect, so I need you guys to help me. First, log on to your computer. Second, go to Google or type in the browser www.thecapitolfaxblog.com. Third, post comments that I am the best candidate for Governor. I need your help guys.”
COUNTY CHAIR: “Sure, first can you tell me who you are?”
“I ate a corn dog. It was a pretty good corn dog, at that too! It reminded me of the times when I first came to Springfield and attended the State Fair with my father. We had corn dogs. Gotta have mustard! Am I right guys? Good old yellow mustard, like French’s, but then I’m trying to endorse French’s mustard - no siree, I’m not that kind of guy.”
“What I am is the kind of guy you can depend upon to know the differences between endorsing a mustard, and telling you a story about corn dogs, which I have eaten, and continue to eat during Illinois State Fairs.”
“Do I eat corn dogs at the DuQuoin State Fair? You betcha! And I don’t have to tell ya, I - yup, put mustard on those DuQuoin State Fair corn dogs too! The French’s kind. That smooth yellowy, tangy, and crucial part of the condiment table, every corn dog needs.”
First he says he wants a special election, then doesn’t…then he wants a tax hike, then he doesn’t…then he wants the U of I trustees to resign, then only the white ones…
-OR-
continuing the Caddyshack theme…
Hey Moose, Rocko…help the judges find their checkbooks!
Gentlemen, behold! Before you is the very hand that’s going to smack the crap out of Quinn if he doesn’t get around to getting rid of the Blago appointees. So, for a generous contribution to my campaign fund, you can shake this hand afterwards.
- wordslinger - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 12:11 pm:
“…..and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.”
- MrJM - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 12:11 pm:
“And reason 43 is…”
- 47th Ward - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 12:12 pm:
Sorry fellas, I’d love to have a beer with you, but I’ve got a big day planned tomorrow, a pretty nice little Saturday. We’re going to go to Home Depot. Yeah, buy some wallpaper, maybe get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don’t know, I don’t know if we’ll have enough time.
- Paul - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 12:13 pm:
Listen, I told you guys yesterday we were going to wear the orange shirts to the fair. Beige? Okay so maybe you don’t have an orange shirt, but chartreuse? No way, not when I’m governor.
- Forgotten Few - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 12:14 pm:
“Ok. Let me see if I have this right. This little piggy goes to market, This little piggy stays home…”
- Anon - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 12:14 pm:
Da Hynes points out the difference in calorie count between regular beer and light beer to a fairgoer who obviously needs to hear it.
- Speaking at Will - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 12:17 pm:
As Dan Hynes explains for the 287th time what a “Comptroller” is.
- VanillaMan - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 12:19 pm:
“Yeah - I felt it - the sky fell and it struck me right here - so when I send out press releases about chaos, bankrupsy and the end of the world, it isn’t just to promote myself!”
- humm - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 12:30 pm:
Hynes: Guys, I know it is going to be a tough primary but I believe you should vote for me. I have five points. #1, I was the first person to stand up to Rod Blagojevich. #2, I am smart and I am a hard worker. #3, I lost to Barack Obama, and that gives me credibility. Guys, I was blown out of the water by Barack Obama. The numbers were bad. Really bad. #4, I read books. Lots of books. #5, I have the best personality. I have a good sense of humor. I am charming. I can command a room.
Man 1: I’m sorry, sir, I think I fell asleep after point 1.
- PFK - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 12:47 pm:
You don’t like layoffs? Oh, sure. No problem. Let me just make a note of that on my imaginary Blackberry…
- Silas - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 12:48 pm:
“Ok guys… paper, rocks, scissors to see who gets the golf cart”
- dupage progressive - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 12:51 pm:
how did I miss the burr oaks thing?
well, first I lost the primary for US senate… that burned me… then we had a couple kids, then it’s REALLY hard being a comptroller - hardest part is explaining to everyone what it is…
- Small Town Liberal - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 12:59 pm:
This is exactly how Pat Quinn types secret emails on his Blackberry, you guys don’t get to see them just like you can’t see this one.
- Anon - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 12:59 pm:
As my friend on my right and I have learned, one way to demonstrate fiscal responsibility is to buy the loud shirts no one else wants on the clearance rack at TJ Maxx.
- Don't Worry, Be Happy - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 1:00 pm:
So first, you put all of the money in one room. Then you divide it into piles. All of the pennies in one, the nickels in another. You get the idea. Then you count the number of coins and bills in each pile. And here’s where the hard part comes in - you have to remember to multiply the number in each pile times the value. It’s really important, because 1 million pennies is only worth $10,000, while 1 million quarters is worth $250,000, so they’re not the same.
- Niles Township - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 1:01 pm:
See…just put the cash right here & no one will notice because they will be distracted by our neon shirts.
- Levois - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 1:06 pm:
You are hearing me talk.
- Anon - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 1:06 pm:
“So, Rahm’s working at Arby’s one summer in high school. And he’s slicing beef but he’s not really paying attention. And next thing you know, bam, there goes his middle finger.”
- just some guy - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 1:06 pm:
debriefing just minutes after climbing off each other’s shoulders in the final practice of dan’s human traffic light act for Illinois’ Got Talent
- We're in the Money - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 1:07 pm:
DH: “…sure it’s easy to track revenue. Why right on this little scrap of paper I have all the General Revenue cash receipts for fiscal years 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005…”
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 1:13 pm:
Hynes, “Let’s see, I have the Green Power Ranger, the Blue Power Ranger, I got the White Power Ranger from my Dad after winning re-election, so you can say I just about have them all.”
- What planet is he from? - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 1:17 pm:
Now you go down to the corn dog vendor and cut out, I’ll fake it to you. And you go long.
- Obamarama - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 1:19 pm:
Fellas, let’s talk about 2010. On the one hand, you have Governor* Quinn, on the other hand… ok seriously, does it really matter what the other option is?
- Yawn - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 1:30 pm:
And I said ” Blair Hull How dare you Impugn My Integrity”! Then I did a Commercial with My Wife. I can’t figure how He beat me.
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 1:35 pm:
Hynes,”Well, what I had said was I’m in the math club, uh, the Latin, and the physics club… physics club. Well, in physics we… we talk about physics, properties of physics.”
- 13 - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 1:37 pm:
So, it was either mayor of Whoville, I thought I had the looks to pull it off, or Governor of Illinois. I’ll now list each reason I chose Governor, with all the flair of a burned out accountant.
- zatoichi - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 1:46 pm:
After a couple a beers, the guys find that the right hand does fall pretty fast while demonstrating the famous nose to finger test.
- You Go Boy - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 1:47 pm:
“See? This is what I mean when I say you gotta get your hands dirty to win in politics…”
- Waxum - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 2:11 pm:
Sorry, Don, NO JOBS FOR COUNTY CHAIRMEN! Especially Vermilion County!
- publius - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 2:43 pm:
thisis how many times quinn has flip flopped…..
- Corey - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 2:49 pm:
How many times have I asked for the Speaker’s support? Well, let’s see….
- Afternoon Anon - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 2:52 pm:
And then the fortune teller says to me “See this line? This is your political life line.”
- Professor of Finance - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 2:55 pm:
So now we know why the State’s FY2008 Annual Financial Report (CAFR) was published six months late (July 10, 2009 to be exact*). . . Danny-boy ran out of fingers!
* http://www.ioc.state.il.us/Library/cr.cfm
- Fed Up - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 3:11 pm:
So far, Fat Tony & Johnny Sac are in. Tony Soprano wants a bigger cut.
- Anonymous - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 3:11 pm:
See? And now the quarter is gone! But if I reach behind your ear…
- Heartless Libertarian - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 3:54 pm:
“I tell you what I see when I look out there. I see the undeveloped resources of Minnesota, Northern Wisconsin, and Michigan. I see a syndicated development consortium exploiting over a billion and a half dollars in forest products. I see a paper mill and if the strategic metals are there, a mining operation. A greenbelt between the condos on the lake and a waste management facility focusing on the newest rage in toxic waste, medical refuse. Infected bandages, body parts, IV tubing, contaminated glassware, entrails, syringes, fluids, blood, low grade radioactive waste all safely contained sunken in the lake and sealed for centuries. Now I ask you what do you see?”
- Boone Logan Square - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 4:23 pm:
Want fries with that?
- cover - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 4:27 pm:
Oswego Willy @1:35pm, you could have gone one better on his “nerdy” image (with apologies to Weird Al): “I was in AV club and glee club and even the chess team! Only question I ever thought was hard was do I like Kirk or do I like Picard?”
- Face Time - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 4:29 pm:
DH: Let me count the ways I’m already boring myself.
- Just sayin - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 4:33 pm:
“How do I love me for Governor - let me count the ways.”
- anon - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 4:43 pm:
DAN HYNES: “Rich Miller won’t give me the proper amount of respect, so I need you guys to help me. First, log on to your computer. Second, go to Google or type in the browser www.thecapitolfaxblog.com. Third, post comments that I am the best candidate for Governor. I need your help guys.”
COUNTY CHAIR: “Sure, first can you tell me who you are?”
- VanillaMan - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 4:45 pm:
“I ate a corn dog. It was a pretty good corn dog, at that too! It reminded me of the times when I first came to Springfield and attended the State Fair with my father. We had corn dogs. Gotta have mustard! Am I right guys? Good old yellow mustard, like French’s, but then I’m trying to endorse French’s mustard - no siree, I’m not that kind of guy.”
“What I am is the kind of guy you can depend upon to know the differences between endorsing a mustard, and telling you a story about corn dogs, which I have eaten, and continue to eat during Illinois State Fairs.”
“Do I eat corn dogs at the DuQuoin State Fair? You betcha! And I don’t have to tell ya, I - yup, put mustard on those DuQuoin State Fair corn dogs too! The French’s kind. That smooth yellowy, tangy, and crucial part of the condiment table, every corn dog needs.”
“So you see, we’re talking condiments.”
- Norseman - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 6:55 pm:
Here’s how we keep track of government funds - one million, two million, three million, four million … 10 million; wait, I need to take my socks off…
- Oswego Willy - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 7:34 pm:
Cover … I am not as creative as you …I just went Breakfast Club
- mb - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 8:34 pm:
ok, let’s go over this again: scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock and rock crushes scissors. got it? let’s go…1, 2,3…
- Vote Quimby! - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 9:01 pm:
First he says he wants a special election, then doesn’t…then he wants a tax hike, then he doesn’t…then he wants the U of I trustees to resign, then only the white ones…
-OR-
continuing the Caddyshack theme…
Hey Moose, Rocko…help the judges find their checkbooks!
- CountryLife - Tuesday, Aug 25, 09 @ 9:31 pm:
Gentlemen, behold! Before you is the very hand that’s going to smack the crap out of Quinn if he doesn’t get around to getting rid of the Blago appointees. So, for a generous contribution to my campaign fund, you can shake this hand afterwards.