Kindergarteners demand governor sign a Memorandum of Understanding guaranteeing future tax burden caused by his initiatives will be paid by his presidential campaign fund.
“OK, Dan and Sara, let’s all stay calm. Very slowly, slowly, let’s back out of the room before these angry midget zombies realize we’re not one of them.”
“Kids- I was an average student. Just look at all these C’s and D’s I got when I was in kindergarten. So, never give up. You too can become a Governator”.
Sara “Cassandra” Feigenholtz and her grandchildren look on as Governor Blagojevich signs into law a bill outsourcing all state jobs to a call center in India.
- paper bag over my head - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 8:14 am:
“Is this guy going to leave pretty soon its time for recess”
“If I read your report correctly, Mr. Comptroller, we were able to take four Milky Ways, three Skittles, and six suckers from these kids. Oh, and stick them with a huge deficit to pay off when they become wage earners.”
- In the Land of Silos and Cows - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 8:40 am:
“Danny, if you were like me, you would sign here and sell your soul to the devil … but that was a life choice for me”
“These signatures are obviously not genuine; and even if they were, these children are not in a position to make decisions affecting the people of Illinois!”
Look kids, I spelled my name right on every page. See even a C- student can spell Blagolo, err Bloogo, umm Blutojevich. (pssst Dan, can you help me here?) Oh crap. Just call me God.
Rod: Now watch this, I lift this page and… Voila! Stem cell research money.
Dan: Wow you are good!
Rod: That is nothing, I got a million of them…and you all yourself a Comptroller!
Oh goody, oh goody. Look how many times my name is printed on these papers. I just love seeing my name. By the way. Is the name of this school the Justice Department or something? Isn’t that what the letterhead says Dan?
Dan, would you please sign this petition for the reelection of Alderman Dick Mell? Children, would you sign the petition next. I noticed your names on the voter registration lists.
See kids, Santa has his list and I have my ‘Who’s Getting Thrown Under the Bus Next’ list. Only difference is people get on my list whether they’ve been naughty or nice.
By approving this tax on hair care products I insure that your pensions as state workers and teachers will be funded to some limited degree in a partial sense for your grandchildren.
Rod - “I like what they’ve done here. Great mix of the crayon, colored pencil, and the marker. Oh yes, I really like what they’ve done there. Very interesting. This is great work.”
Hynes - “I do agree. These kids are extremely smart. They not only can spell your last name, they also know the meaning of maladroit…which you obviously don’t.
Oh, here are the words to that song everyone around me has been humming: The wheels on the bus go THUMP, THUMP, THUMP; THUMP , THUMP, THUMP; THUMP, THUMP, THUMP; The wheels on the bus go THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, all through my staff!!!
- Central IL Stater - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 3:22 pm:
Little girl in green shirt whispers to little girl next to her: “Okay Susie, you take out the ‘big Hynie dude’ and I’ll take on Hot Rod Satan himself! For Grandma!”
Other girl: “For Grandma!”
–Judy Baar Topinka’s Grandchildren plan the attack
“Well, I guess if these kid’s names are on the hiring list they must be qualified to work at the Toll Authority. Sign ‘em up! Welcome to State empolyment.”
The old lady with hair redder than Bozo the Clown played the accordian for us. All you do is shuffle papers. Tell us a story and let’s have the cookies.
- annon. in central illinois - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 5:30 pm:
Ok kids !! It looks like the mortgage papers on your future income are in order. Mr. Hynes what do you think ?? {{man, like stealing candy from a baby literally –woo,woo}} Man this is a boat load of cash we’re borrowing !!!!! Yipee
Reviewing the budget, Illinois Governor notices that the state’s pension
fund is nearly broke but comments, “Lets sell something quick to fix it
before the election.” “We’ll give the rest to the Chicago schools to keep
that other guy quiet.”
Blago: “Hey, this is so neato.” This guy named Pat says I have the most subpoenas of any governor ever in the state of Illinois. Ah, what’s a subpoena, Dan.”
OR
Little girl in green shirt to little girl in blue shirt: ” Something sure smells funny in here.”
Blago: “Well, sure, Dan, a well-educated electorate is dangerous to political hacks, but their parents are real suckers for this stuff and we’ll be retired by the time these little lambs wise up!”
- Tom - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 7:15 am:
“How am I going to make up an interesting story with Caucasian children? Any ideas, Dan?”
- Shallow Pharnyx - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 7:18 am:
Kindergarteners demand governor sign a Memorandum of Understanding guaranteeing future tax burden caused by his initiatives will be paid by his presidential campaign fund.
- Rusty - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 7:19 am:
Another subpoena…Even the kids in the background look worried.
- diane - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 7:26 am:
“I’m going to give you all a million dollars for those pee wee soccer uniforms you’ve been wanting.”
- Rusty - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 7:27 am:
“Governor signs initiative to do away with corruption in Illinois government; his resignation is now official”
So much for wishful thinking.
- Larry - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 7:27 am:
Axelrod in the back thought bubble, ” It might be time to dump Rod and get Danny Hynes as a new client”
- Gregor - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 7:31 am:
“Look, Dan, their budget reports start the same way as mine: ‘once upon a time…’ ”
(Shallow Pharynx for the win)
- DOWNSTATE - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 7:36 am:
And the kids said “another spending plan that my grandkids will still be paying on.”
- zatoichi - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 7:37 am:
Rod: “This looks great! It is good for Illinois.”
Kid to the left with glasses: “Hey, those sheets of paper are blank!”
- non - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 7:43 am:
Wow, these applications look just great and you kids come highly recommended. So, who wants to work for the state of Illinois?
- wndycty - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 7:43 am:
Hynes to Rod: “You know Rich Miller and the rest of the Rod haters at Capitol Fax Blog are going to put our photo in the caption contest.”
Rod to Hynes: “I know and anyone who sticks up for me will be relentlessly ridiculed.”
- train111 - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 7:43 am:
Rod’s new big spend program — Free hair brushes for all school children in Illinois.
- Aaaiieeee! - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 7:44 am:
“OK, Dan and Sara, let’s all stay calm. Very slowly, slowly, let’s back out of the room before these angry midget zombies realize we’re not one of them.”
- Rusty - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 7:46 am:
The kids: “We’ve been standing here for ever now. You promised us a ride in the chopper.”
Rod: “Promise? HA HA HA HA HA…stupid kids”
Dan: “Looks like I’ll be driving back to Springfield”
- Roy Slade - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 8:03 am:
“Kids- I was an average student. Just look at all these C’s and D’s I got when I was in kindergarten. So, never give up. You too can become a Governator”.
- Anon - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 8:07 am:
Hynes thinking: Next time those wrists are crossed like that, the feds will be slapping handcuffs on them.
- BigBob - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 8:07 am:
Hynes issues report on deficit. Blagojevich finds a surplus.
- Shallow Pharnyx - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 8:11 am:
Sara “Cassandra” Feigenholtz and her grandchildren look on as Governor Blagojevich signs into law a bill outsourcing all state jobs to a call center in India.
- paper bag over my head - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 8:14 am:
“Is this guy going to leave pretty soon its time for recess”
- Slats - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 8:17 am:
See here kids, the state is going to give each girl a pony and each boy a golden retriever…because it’s the right thing to do! We call it AllPets….!
Be sure to tell your moms and dads to vote for me in November. The pet food should hold out at least till then…
- Bob Mengele - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 8:18 am:
With this signature, we re-assert that children are our most important resource… now gimmee all your stem cells!
- PalosParkBob - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 8:22 am:
Welcome to your new jobs as consultants for the State of Illinois, kids. Don’t forget to put all your lunch money in the campaign contribution can!
- Chick McGann - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 8:33 am:
“If I read your report correctly, Mr. Comptroller, we were able to take four Milky Ways, three Skittles, and six suckers from these kids. Oh, and stick them with a huge deficit to pay off when they become wage earners.”
- In the Land of Silos and Cows - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 8:40 am:
“Danny, if you were like me, you would sign here and sell your soul to the devil … but that was a life choice for me”
- Squideshi - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 8:51 am:
“These signatures are obviously not genuine; and even if they were, these children are not in a position to make decisions affecting the people of Illinois!”
- Anonymous - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 8:51 am:
All my campaign contributors should live forever and that’s why I’m signing this stem cell research executive order.
- Lovie's Leather - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 8:52 am:
“How many indictments, Mr Comptroller?”
- Pat Hickey - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 9:01 am:
Let’s see - H.E.I.N.Z no - H.I.G.H.N.Z. no H. . . . B.L.A. no I got it now - H.I.N.E.S. - Your Dad got Lumber? H. Don’t look.
- Buck Flagojevich - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 9:06 am:
Look kids, I spelled my name right on every page. See even a C- student can spell Blagolo, err Bloogo, umm Blutojevich. (pssst Dan, can you help me here?) Oh crap. Just call me God.
- Jaded - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 9:08 am:
Rod: Now watch this, I lift this page and… Voila! Stem cell research money.
Dan: Wow you are good!
Rod: That is nothing, I got a million of them…and you all yourself a Comptroller!
- Buck Flagojevich - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 9:13 am:
Oh goody, oh goody. Look how many times my name is printed on these papers. I just love seeing my name. By the way. Is the name of this school the Justice Department or something? Isn’t that what the letterhead says Dan?
- Anonymous - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 9:13 am:
kids - He’s late again. We’ve been standing here for so long that I have to go the the bathroom.
- Phocion - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 9:19 am:
Hynes: “Pssst…hey kid, do you have another crayon? The Governor just broke his.”
- Ahem - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 9:27 am:
“When I see this many kids I have to think that someone else has some testicular virility as well!”
- Jake from Elwood - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 9:35 am:
Dan, would you please sign this petition for the reelection of Alderman Dick Mell? Children, would you sign the petition next. I noticed your names on the voter registration lists.
- Siyotanka - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 9:39 am:
Wow…Danny, you really did get straight A’s in gradeschool…you “really” are qualified to work for the State.
- Anonymous - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 9:52 am:
See kids, Santa has his list and I have my ‘Who’s Getting Thrown Under the Bus Next’ list. Only difference is people get on my list whether they’ve been naughty or nice.
- Version2Point0 - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 9:54 am:
“Hey Dan, Where’s the Check?”
- Eagle I - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 10:08 am:
By approving this tax on hair care products I insure that your pensions as state workers and teachers will be funded to some limited degree in a partial sense for your grandchildren.
- Logical - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 10:12 am:
Whew, good news Dan. No one here works for the Feds.
- Guy Fawkes - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 10:27 am:
“Just get all the kids to sign any future pensions they may aquire in their lifetime over to me here.”
- Torpedo - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 10:31 am:
“Dan, I thought I told you that deficit isn’t supposed to be in there.”
- Anon - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 10:33 am:
Hynes recommends new political hires
- anon - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 10:33 am:
Which ones are the children?
- anon - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 10:36 am:
Very funy Dan, I don’t care how much we owe to our medicaid providers??
- MickeyMouse - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 10:44 am:
“No governor, you’re right handed.”
- Lt. Guv - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 10:56 am:
Look Dan, I told you red is blue and blue is red. Says so right here. Now maybe SOMEBODY will believe me next time I speak!
- Lt. Guv - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 10:57 am:
All these people are Republicans & they couldn’t come up with anyone better than Judy Barr? Man, I lead a charmed life!
- Anonymous - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 11:10 am:
So I can cut even more fat by canning all of these state employees who have been bashing me on the taxpayers’ dime?
- blahhhhgo - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 11:11 am:
Hynes bubble: “If I’d just gotten into the race when everyone wanted me to, I’d be sitting there instead of this idiot.”
Kid in the background: “Is he selling the Lottery now? I bet I can get him to buy me a Gameboy.”
Rod: “Let’s see here, are the names of all these kids on the new clout list? I’ll hit up their parents for some $$.”
- Anonymous - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 11:50 am:
Students:
“We waited 45 minutes after school and this guy doesn’t know what he wants to say?”
Hynes:
“The majority of voters really don’t care about gravitas.”
- ISU REP - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 11:52 am:
Blago: With this signature I here by rename every school, expressway, park, and public building after me…What do you think Dan?
Hynes: DURRRR good idea boss, now do I get a cookie?
- Anon - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 11:57 am:
G-Rod: “Look what I found, someone left a $5 million bill stuck in here.”
- Anonymous - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 12:11 pm:
Blah - “There just has to be something in here I can give to predominantly white schools.â€
- Check the numbers - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 12:26 pm:
“Before I sign, Winston & Strawn has reviewed this, right?”
- Bilbo Baggins - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 12:39 pm:
Rod - “I like what they’ve done here. Great mix of the crayon, colored pencil, and the marker. Oh yes, I really like what they’ve done there. Very interesting. This is great work.”
Hynes - “I do agree. These kids are extremely smart. They not only can spell your last name, they also know the meaning of maladroit…which you obviously don’t.
- North of I-80 - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 12:44 pm:
Look there’s another $3 million here I can use!!
- Todd Castro(ger) aka Wumpus - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 1:21 pm:
That’s right children, make your checks payable to “Friends of Blagojavich”.
- anon - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 1:32 pm:
Governor signs new state budget while new crop of state budget aides look on.
- chiefkay - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 1:35 pm:
What do you mean we have no money…I still have checks left.
- Ahem - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 2:07 pm:
Blago: “Are we cool or WHAT. We’re the center of attention!”
Hynes: [bites lip]
- moderate - half way between crazy and crazy. - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 2:16 pm:
the governor finally learns to read numbers.
- Justice - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 2:46 pm:
Oh, here are the words to that song everyone around me has been humming: The wheels on the bus go THUMP, THUMP, THUMP; THUMP , THUMP, THUMP; THUMP, THUMP, THUMP; The wheels on the bus go THUMP, THUMP, THUMP, all through my staff!!!
- Squideshi - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 2:54 pm:
“You see? Each and every one of these children is registered to vote.”
- Establishment Republican - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 3:04 pm:
“Dan, look at these awesome Keno numbers!”
- Central IL Stater - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 3:22 pm:
Little girl in green shirt whispers to little girl next to her: “Okay Susie, you take out the ‘big Hynie dude’ and I’ll take on Hot Rod Satan himself! For Grandma!”
Other girl: “For Grandma!”
–Judy Baar Topinka’s Grandchildren plan the attack
- Magilla - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 3:46 pm:
“See! It says right here! All republicans are shallow and dumb! I knew it!”
- Jechislo - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 3:59 pm:
“Well, I guess if these kid’s names are on the hiring list they must be qualified to work at the Toll Authority. Sign ‘em up! Welcome to State empolyment.”
- City Girl - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 4:03 pm:
North Side State Rep Inadvertantly Chokes on Blagojevich’s Big Hair
- Guy Fawkes - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 4:17 pm:
“Are sure if I sign this mystical/magical document I won’t get indicted?”
- Bubs Hitty - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 4:23 pm:
“I told Joe Cini I wanted fresh, young faces for my senior staff, but this is ridiculous”
- Honest Abe - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 5:07 pm:
The old lady with hair redder than Bozo the Clown played the accordian for us. All you do is shuffle papers. Tell us a story and let’s have the cookies.
- annon. in central illinois - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 5:30 pm:
Ok kids !! It looks like the mortgage papers on your future income are in order. Mr. Hynes what do you think ?? {{man, like stealing candy from a baby literally –woo,woo}} Man this is a boat load of cash we’re borrowing !!!!! Yipee
- Walking Wounded - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 5:52 pm:
Rod: “See? Now flip the paper a little faster and the cartoon stick man walks right across the page.
Am I good or what?”
- Groucho - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 6:34 pm:
Dan Hynes: “Even a six-year-old child can see that this budget isn’t balanced.”
Rod Blagojevich: ” Somebody find me a six-year-old child!”
- Crash-Barrel - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 7:04 pm:
Reviewing the budget, Illinois Governor notices that the state’s pension
fund is nearly broke but comments, “Lets sell something quick to fix it
before the election.” “We’ll give the rest to the Chicago schools to keep
that other guy quiet.”
- Disgusted - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 8:20 pm:
Blago: “Hey, this is so neato.” This guy named Pat says I have the most subpoenas of any governor ever in the state of Illinois. Ah, what’s a subpoena, Dan.”
OR
Little girl in green shirt to little girl in blue shirt: ” Something sure smells funny in here.”
- ahem - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 9:08 pm:
Blago: “Well, sure, Dan, a well-educated electorate is dangerous to political hacks, but their parents are real suckers for this stuff and we’ll be retired by the time these little lambs wise up!”
- Democrat - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 9:22 pm:
Look at these pictures of Judy I found on the internet.
- anon - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 11:23 pm:
We have a double didget lead….What is SHE thinking…
- anon - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 11:25 pm:
“digit”..oops, that one got away to fast…
- Tistiphone - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 11:29 pm:
Judy hired a former lover as deputy treasuer and she is talking about MY hiring practices? Wasn’t he a tax cheat and file for bankruptcy too, Dan?
- Dick Pol - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 11:32 pm:
Danny, toss me the Football.
- anon - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 11:47 pm:
Rod looks at Judy’s D2s
- aidanquinn - Friday, Aug 4, 06 @ 11:56 pm:
As long as the Speaker is in charge, you know we’re both sucking the hind one!
- Criminal Enterprise Called Illinois - Saturday, Aug 5, 06 @ 1:22 am:
Of all times to be served with an indictment! Dan, maybe it’s yours.
- anon - Saturday, Aug 5, 06 @ 11:13 pm:
Rod reviews his latest poll numbers.
- Anonymous - Sunday, Aug 6, 06 @ 10:57 am:
you just stole are future
- Angie - Tuesday, Aug 8, 06 @ 3:37 am:
Oh, look! Our Chicago Public School kids are going to be reading Dr. Seuss books as part of the fall reading list.